Crap Cookies

The other day Tay and I wanted to make cookies to give to our primary kids. I wanted to make these cookies that my step mom always makes (that everyone seems to enjoy). I call my Dad to ask for the recipe.(There are two things you need to know about my Dad to understand this story: 1. He HATES processed food 2. He is a health freak.) Well my Dad will not give me the recipe over the phone, he said it would be easier to email it to me. So I just received this email:

*caution* Don't read if you get offended of swearing. I don't want to really edit this..better if its original.

"Puking Chocolate Shit Cookie Recipe(gag me)


1 1/2 crisco sticks (butter flavor) Highly processed to help you with inducing cancer.
2 1/2 cups firmly packed brown sugar. (I must say this is better than processed white granulated sugar)

4 Tbl spoon milk. (pasteurized milk no less, disgusting.)
2 Tbl spoon vanilla. (use real vanilla not imitation garbage.)
2 eggs. (it might be a nice gesture to use farm eggs rather than eggs from a commercialized egg farm. there is a lot of garbage in the chicken feed to increase egg production that we can do without in our bodies which is passed on to us throughout the eggs that these chickens lay.)

4 1/2 cups flour. (the recipe didn't specify white flour or whole wheat. Hmmmm I wonder which it is. Surely it is with out saying they wanted white flour? don't you think? Well think again. They want grade A wipe white flour. sick
2 teaspoon salt. (no don't even ask, of course they want Real Salt.
1 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
One 12 oz package Hershey milk choc chips.

Directions:

Heat oven to 350 degree.
Combine butter flavor crisco, brown sugar, milk and vanilla in a large bowl.
Beat at medium speed with electric mixer until creamy.
Beat eggs into creamed mixture.
combine flour, salt and baking soda and mix into creamed mixture until just blended.
Stir in Chocolate chips and walnuts
drop rounded tablespoons size of dough onto ungreased cookie sheet.
Bake at 350 degrees for ten minutes (cookies will appear moist, do not over bake them or they will turn into a pile of pooh.

There you have it shit cookies

-Dad"

Even though my Dad seems very bitter towards this recipe, the cookies really are yummy!:)..just don't tell him I said that.
I LOVE MY DAD.